I wasn’t going to post today, didn’t really have anything to say, but then something happened.
It was an Innocent lunch comment, “I like your hair, its darker right?” Yep sure enough, but then it got my brain going. I started to think of some recent events, getting my nails done often, caring about my hair.Wanting to work on my house and projects for it. Running, showering and then styling my hair just for dinner with the in laws (at there house.) I care again!!!
I’ve struggled with depression in varying degrees. After Mark passed away it was pretty bad, then I moved back near my family and met Ryan (who was still in MN) and things were good again. Then right before we got married, it got hard. I didn’t know why at the time but now I know it was guilt. I felt bad for moving on with my life and for being happy.
I know that Mac was at a loss but he stuck by me for the last 2 years of crazy emotional depressed Amber and now I’m back. Maybe not 100% but enough that I noticed! I’m so excited. I’m not even sure if this post makes sense but aghhhh. I care again!
Thanks to everyone who stuck with me. Mom and Dad, Mac for sure, all of the ‘girls’ in my life. My SIL Becky cuz she was the only other peroson to live with me during this time and of course my brother Seth and all my family.
19/08/2011 at 5:35 PM Permalink
It’s funny you posted this when you did. This has been on my mind a lot lately (especially after the leadership conference last week I went to that put a lot of things on my heart). about my level of happiness and caring. I was thinking about the ups and downs of the past few years (which can’t even come close to what you’ve gone through) and such. (and Thank you for being someone who has stuck by me through some rocky times over the last couple of years!)
19/08/2011 at 6:36 PM Permalink
I understand. This is the first year I cared about flowers and the garden. It is good to feel happy again and to care. You are a special person!
24/08/2011 at 10:12 PM Permalink
I’m happy for you
I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes but the fact that you noticed that you are almost 100% again must be a big milestone for you.