Sometimes you have to make tough decisions, Today is one of those days for me
I love my husband, love him like crazy but that doesn’t make March 14th, June 15th, or December 10th any less… weird. In fact it makes them more weird. You see March 14th was my 1st husbands birthday June 15th was our anniversary (10 this year) and December 10th is the day he went to heaven. I’m not going to lie its weird to grieve when your married to someone else.
So today I’ve decided its time to stop posting about those 3 days.
To be honest I’m a little scared, the whole reason I started blogging was to keep friends and family updated on Mark. Since then it has evolved into LLG, but part of it has always been my place to talk about that part of my life openly. I know that many of you still read this blog to check in on me
Don’t misunderstand, Mac gets it. He is incredibly understanding and obviously knew what he was getting into before we started dating (in fact he had even met Mark once or twice in passing.) But I can’t imagine how weird it is for him to see me publicly write about this 3 times a year. So even though this post addresses the issue (because I didn’t want to stop without telling you why, since as I said many of you read this to keep tabs on me.) I’m no longer going to write posts about those 3 days.
Mac I love you, I know its awkward for you, I know that if its still a hard day you will hug me and love me and not think anything bad about me. But I also know how hard it is for this to be ‘in your face.’ Muah!
Well I was going to have this be Mondays post but so many people are already donating I wanted to get something formal up.
I’ve decided when I’m going to run my first 10k June 30th!
I’m Running in the Time to Fly 2012 Race for the Childrens Cancer Reserch Fund.
Each of us has a story.We all want a cure.
So what is my story?
My first husband Mark passed away in December 2007 from Thymus Carcinoid Cancer. While not specifically a childhood cancer it does start developing during puberty, when instead of turning to fatty tissue the Thymus turns in to tumors. Often its not discovered until one of those tumors impedes on something else. Such was the case for Mark, it wasn’t discovered until he was 21 and it affected his 6th cranial nerve causing double vision.
Since Mark passed away I’ve sorta been at a loss for what to do on his birthday and also December 10th which is the date he passed away. I want to acknowledge it, but how? I was so excited to find this race this is the perfect way, something active (which we loved to be) something fun for me (running) and something that would do some good. Not to mention they have a 5k walk option so this is something I can do for a while!
I signed up around 8 PM last night and quick posted a status update on facebook, by 11:23 I already had reached my $250.00 goal!!! So I guess I set my sights too low….So I’ve raised my goal to $400.00 for now and hope to raise it again.
I stumbled upon this video last night just when I was thinking about what to post today. For those of you who know my story, you will understand why this is so dear to me. For those of you who aren’t aware you can check out my story.
But even if you are lucky enough not to have had cancer touch your life in some way you are blessed but I know this video will still touch you.
I think this says something about how special Marriage is. This young woman knew she wouldn’t be around long, she knew it wouldn’t be her ‘dream’ wedding. But she still wanted the day, the Love, the I Do!
The heart of the young man who married her knowing full well that it would be a short and painful marriage is amazing. Then again he was dating her while she went through all of this so we already know that.
Back in my world
This weekend I also got the chance to see my dad speak on marriage at a local Church. My parents were there all weekend doing a retreat for them, and then wrapped it up with is lesson on Sunday. It was fun to hear him speak but one thing I found very interesting was his talk about How marriage is both Harmony and Unison. I think these two showed that unison part very well they both went into the marriage with the same short expectations but they still wanted to ‘make music.’
For more on Unison and Harmony come back on Thursday for my “Thoughts on Thursday” post.
This is a hard post to write, that may seem strange for those of you who don’t know my or Mac’s story but here we go, this is the short version.
I was married once before. I got married to Mark when I was 19 and we didn’t get a honeymoon because I was still in school. We took our ‘big trip’ 2 years later with a cruise down the west coast, it was great! However on the way back Mark had double vision while driving. After a month or so of that not going away and a lot of testing we found out he had Cancer. Right there at the 2 year mark. Right when things were getting ‘easy’ We both had real jobs and school was a part of our past. Then cancer hit and our life was turned upside-down. In December of 2007 Mark passed away.
2 Years is a big moment in Mac’s past as well. You see he was also married once before and just before his 2 year annaversery his wife up and left him. There is alot more to that story obviously but this isn’t the place for that.
So as you can see, 2 years is a big deal for both of us. For me its a time to see that this marriage might be ‘normal.’ Yes I know that just because neither one of us is sick now doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I know that doesn’t mean our children someday will be perfectly healthy but at the same time it means I can breath easier. I don’t have to freak out that the first 2 years are the only normal we are going to get. I think sometimes I’m looking for the dramatic because that is what I”m used to.
For Mac its a time for him to for sure understand that we are together forever. I’m not going to leave when times get hard and I will respect and stay true to my marriage vows. Again don’t get me wrong he has no fear of me leaving him but still its stuck in the back of your mind you know?
So Today July 11th 2011 is 2 years of Marriage. I’m crying now, well trying not to because I’m at work. But honestly until writing this I just thought it was a big deal for him, but it is for me as well. The roof is taking up most of our extra spending money so we aren’t doing anything too special but no matter today is a BIG DEAL and we will celebrate and Praise God for the gift he has given us in each other.
I love you Mac, I’m not going anywhere.
Your Wife, now and until God separates us,
PS if you know Mac please take a moment to acknowledge what a great day this is.
On June 23rd some of the players from Team Toxic will lose their hair. How many of them do is up to us. You probably remember them the placed in d5 at both Huntington Beach and Chicago. I’ve also talked about them before here.
“TOXIC SHOOTS FOR THE CURE”
Here is the chance to see the Empire Axe Men from Toxic getting their hair chopped. Members of Team Toxic will be loosing their locks to raise money to support cancer research on July 23rd 2011. For every $1000 raised a member of Toxic will be shaving their head.
I'm just a simple girl who is working on my life, love and being green. Here you will find info about being green, improving your life, my life happenings and all sorts of crafty things. Hope you like it! If your interested in baby stuff check out my other blog lovegreenbaby.wordpress.com/